Entry 15/ 7/10/08

My last day of ministry. We traveled to a village called Nizilonga. Patrick had been telling us that this village ministry would be very different from anything we had experienced. I know now what that means. These people are very influenced by wiftcraft and spirits. One family we visited actually had 2 witch doctors there with their sick daughter. The funny thing was that we didn't really know they were witch doctors until we had been there for quite a while. I realized later that the enthusiasm and strength went right out of the group while we were there. I felt kind of hopeless at the time which we really strange. One of the men had very creepy eyes, but really they looked pretty normal. No costumes or dancing around. They had a large bundle of herbs with them. Brian said that we could pray for the girl, but that this family had given authority to the witch doctors and until they relinquished that authority, God's healing could not come through.
The other ministry group saw a demon manifest. Justin said he went to pray from a man and as soon as he touched him, the man stiffened up and his face and eyes changed and he would no longer talk to them. The spiritual world is more apparent here than anything I have ever seen.

Before all of this happened, God really worked on my heart. Pastor Malala came to pick me up to deliver the money we raised to the woman I spoke about yesterday, Silvia. We drove to Magrimondi and we ended up driving across town to pick her up from a house where she was doing laundry. On the way there, she was telling him that she can no longer squat in the brick building because the owner wants to charge rent which she can't afford. How awesome is our God? His timing and His plan are perfect. We got back to her house, the one she is building and I asked Pastor Malala to interpret my words to her. I tolder that we loved her and may God use this money for her roof and anything else she needs for her family. I didn't really know what to say at first, but God gave me words. I handed her the money, more money according to Pastor Malala, than she had probably seen in 10 years. She cried and I hugged her and after, when I was back at the orphanage, I told the team about it. Only after I told them did I really feel God pressing on my heart and I cried and cried. The team prayed over me. One of them, I'm not sure who, thanked God for breaking my heart. When Pastor Malala and I pulled away, Silvia waved and put her hand on her chest, still crying. In that moment, I felt as though I would give up everything I have to give her so much more. I keep seeing her face before me, her little baby strapped to her back, her face so sad as though there is no time to stop and smile. I hope someday I will see her smile. I hope someday I can see her again.

Entry 14- 7/9/08

Tonga: Ba-lesa Ba weme, Mama yo yo yo, Ba-lesa Ba weme, Mama yo yo yo

English: God, He's good, Awesomeness, God, He's good!

Today was another incredible day of ministry. We spent the entire day with children who will soon be members of the orphanage. I played with many children, but one in particular touched my heart. A little boy named Mike! He first appeared to me as sad and unsure. So I picked him up and hugged him. I spent time loving him. I spun him around and made him laugh, I tickled him, I held him close. He was just a beautiful child in so many ways. And he was so happy to be loved.

After an exhausting and joyous day here at the orphanage, Pastor Malala and his wife met me in town. I went with Simeon just to walk and get some snacks and just sort of think things out after such a wonderful experience. We met up with the pastor and he took me to Magrimondi again. I met a woman HIV positive with 3 children. Her husband has been deported and he is not able to come back. She currently has no home. She is squating in a partially built house which was very cramped and primative. Every day she goes out and gathers grass. She puts it in bundles and makes brooms which she sells for a small amount to make a living. On top of all this, she is building a house out of dry mud, shaped with a paint can and stacked up to build walls. She has no roof and can't afford it. The roof needs to be put on by a man and the total cost is about 390,000 Kwacha. I asked the team to help me raise the money which is about $100 and we raised $122 dollars. I've seen strong women before.. Like mom and Judy Conrow. But this woman was so special to me. She's lost her husband and is taking care of 3 children and her elderly mother. The baby she carries around in a sack on her back, and breast feeds when she needs to. Because of this, the baby is also HIV positive. I also learned that the government wants to develp this area. so they are selling land plots to people who can build nicer houses, like those we have been seeing made of bricks and consisting of more than one room. That means that people like this woman who can't afford that type of housing will eventually be forced to leave and their houses or huts will be destroyed. A life filled with such turmoil and yet she just keeps on going, looking towards brighter days.

God truly gives us strength. He will not forget this woman and neither will I.

Entry 13- 7/8/08

Yesterday was a truly amazing day. We spent the whole day ministering in a village called Magrimondi. There must have been over 100 children there. We split into small groups and went door to door to preach and invite people to come to a meeting. The first house we came to was a man and his family and they invited us into their home. It was one of the more spacious ones, but still the amount of poverty was indescribable. Mud huts with sparse furnishings and no windows. We talked with them, prayed, and went to the next house. The village was very spread and so we did a lot of walking. Before we knew it, there were swarms of children around us! They wanted us to hold them. At one point I was holding the hands of 5 or 6 children at once. They were pulling me laong the dirt paths, barefoot, covered in dust and sand and laughing and smiling, purely full of joy. At one house, we met an HIV positive woman suffering from pain. We prayed for her, Rachelle laid hands on her and she was healed. That happened a lot yesterday. It's amazing...these people I am traveling with have such a great faith. They believe with all their hearts that God will heal and does heal and then it happens! I even got a chance to pray for Kaley's ankle last night with Rachelle. I actually saw the swelling recede from her ankle.
At about 3pm in the village, we had the meeting and did three skits which were a big hit. Chelsea and Michaela preached and then Brian preached for a long time. He called people up who wanted prayer and I prayed with one woman. I prayed so hard that after, I just felt exhausted. There was one little girl that we had seen while doing village ministry. Her feet were severly deformed and she had great pain in her legs. She was an orphan in the care of her grandmother. She was so very sad and I think we were all heart broken over her. Simeon really ministered to me. We had met an orphan named Richard in the village. Again, he was filled with sadness. But Simeon and he somehow connected. They spent the entire day together and seeing the way Simeon cared for him and loved him was just incredible. By the end of the day, he looked happy and at peace. They stood together at the service, Simeon's arms draped around his shoulders and chest and Richard's holding onto Simeon's forearms.
After church and dinner, we had a fireside chat with Pastor Malala and his wifte and he spoke for a long time about Jesus and the Spirit and then he prophesyed to Charnay that she would prophesy to others and he also told me that I need to come and see where the orphans sleep. He said that my heart is there. Many more things happened that showed me how God is working, both here and in my life. I can't praise him enough nor can I begin to understand the extent to which he has affected my life. All I can say is that I am changed and I want to be so much more than I was. And I want to go home with this fire burning every second of every day!

Entry 12- 7/708

Today is going to be a wonderful day! Today we start ministry in some of the outlying villages. We will be going door to door and working with children. Some of them are the orphans who will soon be housed in the place we are staying now. Yesterday afternoon, Simeon, Courtney, DJ and Rebeka and I walked to town to do some exploring and to get some Cokes. It is a small town and just about every store was closed, but we did find one open. It was also great to see the different people and the signs. There are signs around that talk about HIV. There is a furniture and coffin shop. And the hospital, called Kalomo surgery, is like a small shop, much smaller than the house we are staying at. A six pack of Coke was about 18,000 Kwacha.
God is changing me in such a drastic way and yet He is doing it so gently. Michaela reminded me last night that He meets us where we are and I'm just praising Him for that because other people here are experiencing things so intensely (like yesterday at church) and God know that I could not really handle that. It's so hard to explain. The people here are so much more spiritual than we are in America. They know the Father and the Son, but they also know the Spirit more than I have ever known anything in my life. Everything here is a mixture of beauty, sorrow, joy, and spirit. And God is only allowing me to understand glimpses of His truth in all of this. But I feel eternally changed, like a new person in Christ, empowered, emboldened. I've also been reading the Word like starving person!
After we got back from the town, there were children playing with Chelsea and we joined them. They taught us many games and I got some great pictures and video. They are so much fun! They love to just be kids, be touched, and laugh and run. God is so good! I can't praise Him enough for what He is revealing to me!!!

Entry 11- 7/6/08

In Kalomo, sleeping in unfinished orphanage:

What a great day!
Started very early with a semi warm shower...or rather a splash bath since the shower head didn't work. We got ready to go to church. Justin bought a guitar for the truck and I played a little on the way to church. The church was very different from anything I have ever experienced. Great worship music and dancing. To some, it may have been inappropriate, but that is just the way they dance here. A lot of emphasis on the hips and legs. Two things happened that really scared me. But first, let me say that I truly believe these people have a sincere heart for Jesus and worship. The pastor called several members of another mission group forward. They are all Africans. There was praying out loud. Then suddenly, they were just falling to the ground, many were crying and screaming and shaking. There were like 10 or 11 people on the floor and people were praying and yelling and all sorts of things. I was really really frightened by it all. The second thing that scared me was shortly after, the pastor asked to pray for a man. Everyone was praying out loud and I was praying softly as well and suddenly, I began to pray in another language. It was scary and yet beautiful too. I'm still confused as to what this means. I've spent some time talking with several people here about my doubts about speaking in tongues. Several leaders and pastors have told me that there is a difference between the speaking in tongues (which requires an interpreter) and praying in your prayer language. Whatever I did today, I felt comfortable. It was a gentle pulling of the Spirit on my heart, intense but not so intense that I was breaking down. It just sort of swept in, washed over me like a blanket of warmth and love. I felt bad though because I talked with Courtney, DJ, and Simeon and they are clearly struggling with the tongues deal. I am too, but now I have experienced something in which God has opened a part of me. I see the doubt and sadness in their eyes and I almost feel responsible or at least sad that I have left them behind in some form. Of all the people on this trip, Courtney, DJ, Simeon and Kaley are the ones I feel most connected to spiritually. They are the ones I can see myself connecting to after the trip is over.

Entry 10 7/5/08

Words can't explain the joy God has given me. This morning I found out that I wasn't going to be able to go to Kalomo. I was trying not to be disappointed because I wanted to be there and show the students where their money went. Then just now, Ryan came in the truck and we have had a change in plans. God is sending me to Kalomo! I burst into tears! Answered prayer I didn't even ask Him for! I wish I could jump for joy! He is amazing!!!!

Entry 9- 7/4/08

About 9:06AM

After a long night on the truck, we have arrived at the border of South Africa. We're sort of stuck here because the border patrol wants to charge us $1,000 USD to leave S.A.

Okay, so I guess we had to pay the money and we just went through immigration at Botswana. Now we drive 14 or 15 hours to Zambia, wait probably 5 hours to get through and then the real fun begins. Charnay met up with us last night and seems very sweet. We've been having some great conversations. Yesterday, a bunch of us went to the movies and later, had dinner at a place called Parrots. First Courtney and DJ met up with a South African family, a mother and her 3 girls. The litte girls knelt down and prayed for us!

7/5/08 9:00AM

Had to stop writing. Too bumpy on the truck. We are about 3 hours from Zamiba's border. Yesterday driving through Botswana, I really got a sense of Africa. Here, the land is very open, a lot of scrub bushes, trees, and very few roads and cities. The houses were mostly huts with an occassional brick building. Saw many cows, bulls, sheep, goats, and mules but only saw one elephant way off in the distance. There is an obvious shortage of water here. Nearly every rest stop we made yielded a toilet with no running water. We were turned away many times. Also, every water hole I saw in the bush was bone dry and so were three of the four rivers I saw. I didn't sleep on the truck at all during the day. We had the back and side flaps up so I read, listened to music and watched the scenery. We stopped at a campsite and set up camp. I was on kitchen team with Kaley, Simeon, and Rebeka. We ate dinner around the camp fire and talked about where we would be in Zambia. First stop, a village called Mwandi. Betram and Chelsea shared some scripture and encouragement and a few other people did as well. Sleeping in the tent was not too bad. It got really really cold and I kept sliding off my sleeping pad. But other than that, I slept well. There is a sense that something exciting is about to happen. I'm longing for more contact with these people. They are genuine in a way that I can't really explain. Ryan, Betram, Emily and Tarrin are leaving today. So we will be under Rachelle's guidance as well as the other leaders, Brian and Patrick, 2 Zambians I have not met yet. I hope our border crossing to Zambia goes smoothly today. I know that it can take several hours and I pray that God uses that time to His glory and I pray for soft hearts of the border workers, so that we will pass into Zambia without fines and with ease.

Entry 8- 7/3/08

Yesterday, we got 4 new people on the team. I was glad to see them come because now there are people that haven't known each other for a month. They are DJ and Courtney, a married couple from Texas, Simeon, a telecommunications person from Vancover, and Rebeka, a Marine stationed in California. Simeon is 32 so it's also nice not to be the olderst one here and to have someone closer to my own age. We took a doly doly (mini-bus/taxi) to a huge mall and shopped around. I had an ostrich burger! It was really good. I bought some snacks, warm hiking socks, and a sweatshirt. Had a nice lunch conversation with Kaley about the Holy Spirit and Rebeka and I got some ice cream with sprinkles. One more trip participant, Charnay, has yet to arrive. She has been stuck waiting for a plane. Another delay
:( So I'm stuck in S.A. for another day. Trying not to be discouraged. I'm trusting God on this one. If He wants me out in the bush, He'll put me there! God willing, we will be leaving tonight at 12 midnight. That way, we won't have to sleep at the borders. Not sure what we'll do today. Maybe just hang out, maybe walk to town. I'll just take it as another day for God to work on me before my ministry begins. More later! I'm going to call Mike now!

Entry 7-7/2/08

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday because we were on the truck from June 30th, 6:30pm until July 1st, around 3 pm. The truck is pretty cool although not that comfortable for sleeping. It is mid-sized, like an International type truck, with a long bed which has many compartments and about 18 seats. The roof is metal bars welded together and covered with a large tarp with plastic in a few areas for windows. You can't really see much through the windows because the plastic is think and scratched and stained with dirt. It makes me sort of love this organization even more. They are humble. They use all that they have to the best of their ability. And they don't have much. We are now in a place called Twana Lodge, a place for travellers passing through. It is a camp ground with a main house (where we are), small cabins, and tents. There are a lot of amenities: kitchen, television, computer, pool table, etc. But this is still a city area, Pritoria. This place is flat and dry looking. There are no mountains, just wide open spaces. I met a man here last night named Moses, a Zambian pastor. He is positively the most motivational preacher I have ever encountered. We talked for a few hours and he answered many biblical questions. He was inspiring in his love for God and passion for the Word.
Today, 3 others are flying in, so it is a rest day and I will probably go to the mall with the other girls later. I can't wait for tomorrow morning: We will be leaving for Zambia! I'll finally get to see the "real" Africa!

Entry 6- 6/30/08

Another cold, but beautiful morning. There isn't much for me to do right now. The leaders have been stocking the truck and packing luggage. I forgot to mention a few things earlier. On Saturday night, we had a traditional Zambian dinner called Sheema (Nsima) which is made of this maize meal that is white and sort of looks like mashed potatoes but with a different consistency. You eat it with your hands and dip it into this amazing sauce with vegetables. There was also a cabbage dish and it was all incredible! And then last night, Tarin and Emily spent most of the afternoon cooking up an amazing Mexican dinner with homemade salsa, guacamole, and homemade corn chips. There was spanish rice, and then vanilla ice cream and brownies. We had a debriefing for the three people leaving today (Jared, Kayleen, and Shane) and we laid hands on them and Ryan annointed them with oil. After dinner, we kind of relaxed a bit and watched the finals of a soccer championship between Spain and Germany. Betram was so funny; He really wanted Spain to win and Pastor Fred and Ryan were voting for Germany. I guess Spain won, 1-0. I didn't watch the whole thing; I was too tired and also homesick for Mike. Everyone here has been together for nearly a month and even though I have had some great conversations with most of them, it's still lonely at times, like right now, when everyone is hanging around together.

Entry 5- 6/29/08

Lost my blue pen! Today I went to my first African church service. What can I say except it was truly wonderful! White and Black South Africans praising the Lord together. The people here are unlike any I have ever known. They are always smiling, they have a kindness and love for each other in such a pure and enduring way. We all got to stand in front. And we all spoke about where we came from and anything we felt in our hearts. And after, I got to come back and experience some imersion baptisms. But more joyous to me than any other moment so far has been the children. There were 8 or 9 children playing in the pool in between the baptisms. I stuck my feet in (the water is freezing! It's still winter here!) and some of the children came over to watch me write and ask me questions. Some of their names are written in the back of this book.

One was Lulama Somdaka. It's hard to tell their ages, at least from an American perspective. Lulama told me about her family, that her father had died. I didn't ask how because I didn't want to make her sad or bring up a painful topic. She was so sweet. Anytime water got splashed on me or on the pages, she would brush it off. When the wind blew my hair into my face, she would brush it out of my eyes. I watched them play in the water, beautiful brown bodies happily splashing and laughing together. I have to say, I've never met such happy beautiful people. Their whole attitude, the way they look at life and at each other, it is truly refreshing to experience. I AM BLESSED!

Entry 4- 6/28/08

Today was a pretty basic day for us. Breafast and a kind of a late start. But the ferry to Robbin Island was closed, so there was some disappointment in that. Robbin Island is the place where Nelson Mandela was a political prisoner for 27 years during the time of Apartheid in South Africa. The island is now a kind of testament to Mandela's life and work fighting for equality for black South Africa. We drove to Cape Point, where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet and it was incredibly beautiful. Tall, amazing rocky cliffs with torrents of blueish green waves rolling and crashing against the rocks. I walked up to the top rather than paying the 45 Rand it cost. But I didn't take my time, which I should have done because af

ter reaching the top and taking some pictures, I started to feel sick and I knew that I was going to faint. Rachelle walked me part way to the gift shop and then joined the others at the point, another trail out to the cliffs. I went to the bathroom, but after awhile, I felt not so sick and I had some water and walked down the mountain. The water really helped. I definitely should have taken it easy! Anyway, it was worth it, the cool breeze and sun shining through the clouds, onto the sparkling waters below. The foliage, the weather beaten rocks, the sounds of the water. What an amazing world God has created and what a myriad of beauty He displays!

Entry 3- 6/27/08

About 10:30AM-
Had a wonderful nights sleep and have finally met Ryan Finnie, Julie's husband and co-founder of the organization. I have also now met all the girls staying in my room and some who are not. The guys seem to be sleeping in! Besides Rachelle, I room with Kayley and Michaela. I have also met Chelsea, Kayleen, and Lexi. Everyone seems joyful, even Lexi who is not feeling well. We'll be having a group meeting shortly to discuss what we'll be doing the next few days. Then, we will leave on Monday and drive to Johanesburg to pick up more people. There is no set schedule, and yet there is. Ryan has many connections and seems to let God decide where and when He wants us. Also, I learned that Ryan is a member of the royal family in Zambia.
7PM:
Today after lunch, we went to a place called Barcelona Orphanage. Just the trip there left images permanently burned into my heart. The place was basically miles of desolation. Houses seemed to be made of anything available: tarps, cardboard, mismatched sheets of aluminum, car parts, tires, plastic bags, and cloths. These houses are so tiny and cramped, they look like they could be maybe one room. There were little shops, people cutting and selling chickens and other meats on rickety tables, steps away from children playing and heaps of garbage. It just seemed never ending. We winded our way through the place until we arrived at a larger, more stable looking building, the orphanage. The pastor talked with us about how God had placed him there, how he orginially had just thought to bring a church to the town, but ended up staying and starting the orphanage. He told us stories about some of the children and how they had come to be there. One girl was abused by her faither and when her mother tried to step in, she was stabbed and killed right in front of the girl. Several others were simply abandoned, thrown away. One was found still trying to feed from her dead mother's breast. Spending time praying with them, playing games and blowing bubbles...they loved it. And they are so beautiful. Their faces are so perfect, soft, so filled with light and happiness. They are so blessed in that place, despite the poverty they live in. The language barriers mean nothing: these children understand the language of love and affection. Some of them just longed to be held close. They take care of each other too. Many of them are small for their ages, mostly because of malnutrition. A little boy who was 13 looked more like he was 7 or 8. The pastor told us not to feel sorry for them and I understand why. They are in a wonderful place and God is with them. They have nothing possession wise, but they have everything they need to survive and their beautiful smiles just shine in that seemingly dark place.

Entry 2- 6/26/08

Two unsteady steps and a yawn and I'm suddenly in Africa. My first glimpse was from the plane, a magnificent sunrise splashed across the plane window. Imagine the deepest intensity of red and orange against the ragged edges of stony cliffs.

I got through customs and discovered that my baggage had actually arrived in one piece! Imagine! All the way from the states! Rachelle found me and we set off. She is young, and nice and hails from Nebraska. She has been to Africa 5 times and she seems younger than I am. By car, we raced across Cape Town, taking a route along the ocean to a town called Hout Bay. The cliffs and mountains are so amazing here-and houses are built right into the hills just off the ocean. In many ways, it does not seem like Africa yet. Rachelle says it will once we get out of the cities and more into the countryside.

We are staying at a place called the Lord's House at 2 River Valley Road. It is enclosed behind a large wall and fences and most of the hallways are open to the air. There is a vegetable garden, pool, and small yard with coarse green grass and (I think) olive trees. Other people live here and they share a kitchen. They include Wade, Gloria, Nicole, Ethel, and a few others. It is sort of like a hostel, but then, it's not. All the people here are Christians. Gloria especially touches me. She is older, lonely and has had a difficult life, but she has a sweet spirit and a love for the Lord. In a few short hours, I have learned that she was born here in South Africa ("on a riverbank"), she had a husband who left her, she basically came to the house as a homeless woman, and her daughter was murdered. She works at an animal shelter and suffers from Soriosis. She tells great stories! Also-went shopping twice today for groceries and got some Rand- $40 got me about $332 in Rand. The rest of the group should arrive around 2:30-3:30 am!

Entry 1: 6/24/08

Where to begin? My trip began over 23 hours agol, but if I really want to be truthful, then I'd say my trip started a little less than a year ago. That was I came back from Puerto Rico with Mama. It was also when I started to feel with an indescribable intensity, the pull of God on my heart to go to Africa and help in some way. I spent a few months listening and looking...until I finally found the place I knew I should be. And so here I am on a 747 in London bound for Cape Town. Just that I am here is amazing in itself. I never dreamed I'd be traveling half way across the world by myself. I had a whole day today in London. I booked a tour, jumped the subway and scouted Central London!

There is so much history here! I always knew there was, but seeing it, breathing it in...it was just the coolest experience. I especially loved the architecture. Sometimes, it seemed so medieval, other times modern with subtle touches of the past. And more bronze statues than any place I have ever been! Ancient archways, pillars, towers, sculptures...it just goes on and on. I didn't get to see the Globe Theatre (Shakespeare), but the whole city just seemed to be bursting with the spirits of the past. The churches were plentiful and some so old that the bricks were worn and crumbling. But all of that just seemed to enhance the buildings even more. It was as though each crumbling piece had its own great destiny, fulfilled in the midst of ruin.

In the Beginning...

In the Beginning was the word, begins the gospel of John. So simple...and yet, so profound in its implications for the world. And so, in the beginning of this blog, I will say only this. This journal was written by me while I was on a mission trip to South Africa and Zambia in the summer of 2008. It contains my thoughts and impressions and outpourings to God. May reading it open your eyes to God's love and goodness and touch you as much as I was touched while writing it.